How to attain Nirvana…


Advertising is an environmental striptease for a world of abundance ~ Marshall McLuhan

Soul

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Review: Papillon


https://i1.wp.com/upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/8/85/PapillonBook.jpg/200px-PapillonBook.jpg

In the book, there’s a  funny quote from a Minister in France in the early 1970’s who said “The present hopeless moral decline of France is due to the wearing of miniskirts and to the reading of Papillon ”

How could there be a song in the mind of a convict. Perhaps that’s what moved me when I read Shantaram and the same journey continues here. The book is about the adventurous journey taken by a person named ‘Henrie Charriere’ who is convicted by law to escape the high walls of the prison and higher walls of mental barrier. Truly a journey taken to test man’s endurance beyond any sizable ground even covered by men of extra-ordinary. The essence of the book is the power of finding light in the depth of the deepest shadows. There is a lot of goodwill in the place we call prison alias gutter.

Henrie Charriere, the author, in his autobiography speaks of the journey since he was convicted till he wins over his freedom. There are several notable points in the book. Something that everyone needs to note, is that you grow with, not as an individual but as a group. There are ethics and morals that are being fallowed in the murk of prison. However the biggest value that it adds is that there are only physical chains that can be wound around you but mentally you are the master of your will. Something that we get to know is that ‘what the mind desires is what the body conceives’.

The book is written with overdoes of positive attitude and more with vigor and zeal and pace that you just don’t let the book down just as the book never lets you down. When you are let down in life, grab it, it will do you a lot more than just good.

Mahindra Verito : Are you a Verito Man?


One advertisement that caught my eye recently on TV is ‘ Mahindra Vertio’ advt.

Mahindra & Mahindra (Mahindra) is now ready to go to town with its entry level sedan, Verito. It has launched an ad campaign for the face-lifted version of the erstwhile Logan( which was perceived by customers as a fleet owners car). The new campaign for the Verito depicts the characteristics of its likely owner.

But surprisingly, the new ad campaign does not talk about the car’s features at all. Rather, it attempts to paint the ‘Verito Man’ in bold strokes with an eye on stoking the aspirations of its viewers. However, it is not the lifestyle of the Verito owner that is portrayed; his reaction to road rage is used to convey the DNA of the Verito Man. The ad, featuring Bollywood (successful?) actor Jimmy Shergill, shows the protagonist shutting up a bunch of rowdy youngsters, impatiently honking away in a car-park exit queue, not by using force but by his chutzpah. In second phase, The Verito Man tries to shut up rowdy youngsters who have parked in the middle of the road saying. ” Tum Dayal Babu ke bete ho na”? . To which the surprised youngster says, ” Koun dayal babu” ?. The Verito Man very smartly points out to the road sign bearing the Road name ” Dayal Babu Road”. In the other words, he avoided using the more popular and direct way of asking whether the road belonged to their father . ( There you go Verito man!)

I think the advertiser’s here are driving across the point that a Vertio aspirant has to be a person who would be evolved enough to not lose his calm but at the same time know how to get his own back.

The punchline, ‘Grow up to Verito’ is expected to trigger aspiration.

It works at two levels.

One, it asks viewers to behave sensibly like the Verito Man, at least on the road.

Number two is of-course coax the hatchback owners to upgrade to a sedan.

Now, some +ve s and -ves about the TVC.

A punch line out of “Kaante” the Tagline slightly twisted from Raymonds – “The Verito man”. The originality of this advt could be doubted, but nevertheless the execution and final product has come out good.  Jimmy shergil looks good, but that could be the only good thing about this advt.

+ves..

1. It depicts a real life situation which we encounter on the roads everyday and the way the situation is handled is a mature way of dealing with it.

2.M&M has created a campaign aimed to build awareness towards road etiquette and responsible motoring, with the Verito as the central theme. According to them, Verito being a sensible, honest and dependable car embodies these very virtues. Through this, M& M aims at getting people to sit back, think, and if required, change their behavior on the roads. The whole campaign aims at driving a positive change amongst the Target segment.

-ves..

1. The car looks lovely , but it is NOT SHOWN  from different angles in the advertisement. Wanting to be a Verito Man is OK, but you need to have a closer look at the product you are going to buy, isn’t it?

2. Since it is promoted as the Man’s car, women may shy away from buying the Verito.

Watch the commercial here and be a VERITO MAN ( women in case you are one)

The 50 jargons of corporate life!


This post talks about the various jargons which we use in our day to day / office life , whether knowingly or unknowingly. It  tries to give some business/management gyaan.Wonder how the essence of what is said below could be explained to people, if it were not for these jargons.

The question is why does a company do business?

‘At the end of the day’, it’s money that matters right? A business happens when it is a ‘win-win’ situation for both the parties.

Business is often decided on what each partner ‘brings to the table’ and what ‘core competencies’ both have to offer. So when the ‘C-level’ executives of both companies agree to ‘buy-in’, they have basically ‘sealed the deal’.

Now, the question remains of the ‘business model’. It so happens that now the guys below the ‘C-level’, ‘circle up’ to have some ‘facetime’ (it’s time and not book!) with each other. Here, a detailed ‘high level’ meeting takes place to discuss the ‘functionality’ in ‘granularity’, so that the ‘end to end  features’ and the best ‘value proposition’ can be offered to the ‘end customers’

There could also be a ‘paradigm shift’ in the way the companies operate. They could offer part of services or offer customers ‘solutions’ to their business problems or even go for ‘turnkey solutions’ (trunkeY or even Turkey  for some)

 You see ,this entire ‘ecosystem’ comprising of consumers, partners, innocent bystanders, and, increasingly, competitors is  a complex one. The idea is to be at the ‘center of your ecosystem’, so integral to its operations that the actions of all other participants seem to benefit you as much as them to remain ahead in this competitive ‘space’

And so, there is a need to build a ‘Centre of excellence’ ( NO Centre’s of failures, this time round!) to be and remain the ‘best in the breed’.

 The ‘center of excellence’ will have ‘resources’ working on ‘mission critical’ projects. It’s essential that a ‘critical path’ is followed and the team ‘dialogues’ with each other either ‘online’ or ‘offline’. Wherever and whenever required the resources shall ‘touch base’ with their colleagues.

They will need to plan their ‘tasks’ well lest they run out of ‘bandwidth’, or physical, mental or emotional capacity.

The requirements need to be ‘disambiguated’ and ‘drilled down’ to have a clear understanding. Remember, a ‘30,000 feet view’ or a ‘helicopter view’ or a ‘bird’s  eye’ view is not always sufficient!

‘Resources’ will need to ‘peel the onions’ carefully and NOT compare ‘oranges with apples‘.. Always remember, Apples are to be compared to Apples, and oranges to oranges and so on and so forth. They shall be required to be ‘proactive’ and ‘leverage’ their ‘learning’s.

 

This will help the company ‘ramp up’ production and increase their ‘reach out’.

For this one, old telecom services ads are to be blamed that encouraged folks to “reach out and touch someone.” Obviously, the ‘resources’ can’t actually reach out and TOUCH anyone due to the organisation’s stringent sexual-harassment policy. But they can “reach out” (but, again, no touching) to a co-worker for information, support, or to start one of those crucial conversations.  

‘Going ahead’, the organisation needs to get in to the ‘driver’ seat to be an ‘enabler’ of an ‘robust’ ‘world class’ constitution. Naturally, to achieve all this ‘Best practices’ are to be followed.

Now, take a wild guess, how many of these jargons you have heard or used in your life. if  you haven’;t hurry up!  because  YOLO!         

                                                                                 

Must Read: Heart wrenching story…


Now that all of you saw Satyameva Jayate and are SUDDENLY inspired to work for the betterment of the society, please do read and share this heart touching story:

A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a Pune courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Pune Warriors India, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone 😀

Funny Advertisements, no?


Boss, what’s with these Advertisements?

You jus’t cant escape these ads.Can you? I tell you they are everywhere!

Now, I won’t say anything if they even make an iota of sense. But No! These advertising guys won’t listen and keep on bombarding this stuff showcasing their intelligence.

i have now decided to accept them as an integral part of my life just like Indians have accepted democracy and indian cricket fans  -failure of the indian cricket team!

Why can’t these hi fi MBA guys sitting in their AC cabins create some good advts yaar ? or advts that make some sense?

Now let me showcase some gems here so that you can understand what i am talking about.

First advt that gets to my nerves is the Fairness advt for Men. ‘Hi Handsome, Hi Handsome’. The Emami fairness cream for men is so dumb (why go to a girl’s hostel to get the girlie cream; why not buy it from the market?)

And apna SRK comes at last and says’ Fairness cream, ‘Mardo’ ke liye’. Ha Ha since when men wanted to become fair. i have always heard of tall DARK & handsome.

I won’t talk about SRK yaar. He is the one who was bathing with rose petals in a bath tub and the actress were sitting surrounding him.Hilarious!

Whenever someone talks about bad & filthy advts, i can’t stop myself from remembering the toilet cleaner ads by Aman Verma / Hussein ….the ads have close shots of toilets and are aired at prime time which make my meals tough…aiiyoo. why don’t these actors and producers play this advts on repeat and have their lunch? Let them also enjoy, no?

And the Height is the latest Domex advertisement which shows a lady wearing a white coat (suggesting that she is a doctor) visiting her neighbour’s house and after cleaning the toilet with Domex – touching the inside of the commode with her right hand  and then giving a hi five to a kid (to prove how effectively Domex cleans the toilet). Eeeks!!

Then another Advt is of JK Cement. Now i was expecting to see  any under construction building or building material, but  NO!  You just get to ogle at  at a model in the Red swimsuit coming out of the fake sea.. It says “naam hai , vishwaas hai, J K Laxmi Cement “.Boss, A red bikini clad girl emerging out of water has literally no connect with the product and is absurd( Not that i am complaining, hehe)

Then going ahead, I can’t bear Samsung Refrigerator Ad even for a nanosecond in which 2 Priyanka Chopras are arguing with each other. One is dressed as Ice-cream and another as Green Vegetable (seriously). Sooo Stupid.

The Nissan Sunny. Sounds more like a Faaaaart than a Caaaaaaaar when the guy in the lift says. its such a baaaaad Ad!!

Then the DEO advts take the cake..Take for example AXE. What you are saying man? If the man puts the deodorant and goes means all the girls will drop their clothes and run behind him is it? What nonsense concept is this yaar? Have you seen this happen anywhere in this world? Then how you expect it to happen in a conservative and traditional and deeply cultured country like India, I don’t understand. Ridiculous fellow.

I am so sick of these advts . And I feel its a degradation of women. They are portrayed as ***-starved creatures (yes creatures not humans) with that deo as trigger.

How much story you are telling? Some girls will come out of the sea, some girls will fall from the sky and some girls even come and bite the men is it? Best is, you are telling ki if I put the deodorant means even neighbour girl will take off her dress in the smell. Bloody, if I put that deodorant means, even I myself cannot smell it after 10 seconds, where will neighbour girl smell it?

Also, there is no neighbour girl concept in this world. That you know? Has there ever been a single eligible neighbour girl living next door to a single eligible neighbour guy? Whose ears you are trying to keep flowers?

But still, men are trying only. Just in case. Who wants to miss the opportunity yaar?

Hello ladies, you too. Don’t just laugh at men for this. How many times you are believing the ad and putting the Clearasil and Fair and Lovely and all the other one million items on your skin and hair? Has anything changed even one bit? No!

Worst ad that gives competition to the others above is Idea 3G . As if people have nothing better to do during power cuts. I mean when first thing you do is find a candle. I feel it is cheaper than those deo ads .6-7 years back I asked my colleague (from UP) why population is so high in UP. He gave some funny answer similar to AB in idea ad!!

And then there are these toothpaste ads (along with my answers to them, fellow members, think and post more Qs and As),-

1. kya aapke toothpaste me namak hai?
Haan, laal mirch aur garam masala bhi hai, Chahiye?

2. Kya aapko malum hai, appke munh me germs hain?
Munh me germs nahi toh kya haathi milega?

3. Ghar me xpert nahi ha kya? (madhuri dixit with dishwash soap)
Hota toh tujhe (bai ko) kyun bulate?

4. Hamara daanton ki raksha kaun karta hai?
Beta, koi aur nahi aata, khud kulla datun karo

Then there is the Alpenlibe advt where Kajol is playing a monkey and monkeys are playing humans. We should ban the person who was creator of this advt.Personally i think Kajol plays the role really well. You know how it is to go in to the skin of the character. Perfect.

Then se see SAIF ( who is so stupid in those paint advts and those vest advts) askings us asking ‘Have I made it large?’ ‘Have I made it large?’! If you itself don’t know means how others will know? Go and ask Bebo!

Boss first of all you tell what product you are selling?  How such stupid ads are getting approval itself I don’t understand!

I can only think of one explanation only for all of this: The ad guy must be some fellow from B-School with initials in its name. Ditto for the client guy. Both these fellows are smoking up some banned substance. One fellow says some nonsense concept for ad. The other fellow thinks it is brilliant. That’s all.

What you think of us? That we will watch whatever you put is it?

But we are watching only. What to do? That only is the problem.

Visiting a Restaurant


Some one recently complained that the waiter in a hotel dipped all his five fingers in to the glass while fetching drinking water; this brought out the indignant repudiation from the manager, ‘How could he have had all the five fingers in ? It must have been only four. Otherwise he could not have carried the glass’.

This seems to me typical of the utter divergence in outlook between two sections of present day population: those who run hotels and those who visit them. Probably in order to improve the situation, a questionnaire was sent out sometime ago, intended to catch all aspects of the problem.

I believe when the investigators attemepted to elicit facts all they got were complaints from the hotel staff regarding the work and wages, complaints form hotel-goers regarding quality, quantity, cost and everything. I think the committee gathered a voluminous quantity of paper, properly filled up.

It is probably too early even to say what they will do with it.

Most people are miles away from  thier homes at lunch time. This is a characteristic of present day urban life. Students, office-goers, businessman, have no choice in this matter. It would be unthinkable for a man from Kharadi, Pune working in the Hinjewadi IT Park to return home for his afternoon lunch; nor can he wait till his closing of his office.

At office waiting for the lunch break is one of the pleasantest states of existence.When one returns to one’s desk an hour later chewing a paan/ after having smoked depending on who the ‘one’ is, one has definitely acquired a pleasanter outlook.

Now, I would like to examine what has happened to the man between leaving his office desk and returning to it an hour later.No doubt when he returns our friend is looking the picture of satisfaction, but he has been through a trial.

He goes to his favorite hotel as fast as his feet can take him, but he cannot enter it. He has to wait, then push his way through a file of others moving in ,and finally stand in a corner scanning the hall for a vacant seat.

It is most awkward standing there, he has a feeling as if he is waiting in the ration shop line. His trained eyes catches someone at a table finishing the last ounce of food in his plate, and our friends assume that the other will presently get up.

He cleverly slips through the crowd and approaches the about-to-be-vacated chair cautiously: he does not like to appear too inquisitive about the other man’s movement lest it should look ungracious but hovers about the back of the chair with a look of unconcern while the man is enjoying his last bits.

If  the man at the table knows that his seat is wanted he will try to brave it for a while but will ultimately vacate it, unable to bear the silent, implacable pressure exerted by the one waiting behind him.

If our friend is lucky-that is, if someone else nimble footed does not descend on the seat like a bolt from the blue-he can feel certain that he has won his seat. I don’t think any election candidate could reflect with greater gratification on this triumph.

When our friend gets his hard-won seat, what happens ? He looks at the time. Half-an hour wasted in man-oeuvres alone. The sands of time are running low, he will have to go back soon at his office. He desperately tries to draw attention of the waiter as he catches glimpses of him here and there. And when he does that, he says” Phew! God, finally caught his eye’.

When  the waiter comes, his demeanor or bearing may be courteous or rude depending on how his day has been so far ; but it is safe to assume that he is extremely harassed and fatigued. If he had his way he would knock down all plates and spoons and declare the customers as the greatest irritants in life… But he asks formally, “What do you want, sir?”

And then the counter-question,”What do you have?”

It is a routine question that hundred others have already asked although the whole menu – including the “Today’s Special” is chalked up on the board.

The waiter mechanically repeats the catalogue of edibles at lightning speed, takes his order, and goes out of sight.

As the waiter comes with the soup that our friend has ordered, he notices a fly in a soup. Being the Pure Vegetarian that he is,  he is disgusted at the prospect of eating a clearly Non-vegetarian soup. He summons the waiter and demands an explanation.

Now, the responses he could get may be as varied as the menu in the hotel.

For example here’s what a not so courteous waiter would say

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A more diplomatic waiter would say

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our friend is now furious and there follows a heated exchange of not so good words.But being a restaurant visiting veteran, our friend knows how the waiter could react to his audacity

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And finally the hotel staff may use the power of ‘many’. They may gather around our friend and try and intimidate him as formally as posssible.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As our friend somehow tries to win this battle, he notices that his table is littered with used plates and remnants left by other people, and as he eyes them distastefully, a tremendous cry rings out, ‘Table Clean!’, and a man arrives with a bucket overflowing with unwashed used crockery and vessels, reaches over the shoulder of our friend, leaving him in acute suspense for the safety of his clothes, and clears the table.

He then rubs the table surface with a very damp soiled cloth, which our friend would rather avoid looking at. There are a few other things which he attempts to ignore while he is in the process of appeasing his hunger.

He tries not to look at the wash-basin right across his table which sprays around a vast quantity of water as person after person comes up to wash his hands, some of them none-too-gently. The general noise in the hotel is something that frays his nerves- the radio ( somehow the restaurants seem to have stations to tune in to all the 24 hours), the defeaning clatter of vessels dumped out for cleaning, somebody shouting orders to the kitchen, shouting across the bill amount, customers talking to each other…through all this babble our friend can hardly make himself heard.

He ignores the crack in the plate which bears his food, and grease on the spoon given to him. He thinks these are minor terrors which ought to borne patiently.

When he carries his bill to the payment counter and the man there sticks it on a miniature harpoon on his table while sweeping the cash in, our friend is happy that he is out of all this trouble.

Perhaps that’s why he wears such a merry look coming out of the restaurant.

Man declares to live entire life on Tree to save paper


R Correspondant

Anxiety and turmoil prevailed in the sleepy village of Jalsa, 36 km from town of Amarsinghpur, since a man who calls himself  ‘Sirjee’ declared that the will live his entire life, henceforth on a Tree.

Hordes of TV OB vans rushed to the village ala ‘Peepli Live’ to show this ‘Breaking News’. Cameramen with heavy tripods fought for vantage positions to capture this Indian Tarzan’s face. In hushed whispers, the villagers discussed about why ‘Sirjee’ would take such an extreme step when everything was going on smoothly.

‘Sirjee’ is atop a tree 40 feet above the ground in a dense forest adjoining his village Jalsa.

He survives solely on what the nature has to offer, though sometimes villagers also serve him some human-made food. While the visitors find his tree-house a precarious place to live in, ‘Sirjee’ finds it a cozy dwelling, safe from the threats of wild animals’ attack and the wastage of paper down on the ground.

“Sirjee had a stationery shop in the village and all the kids from the schools used to rush to the shop to buy books and paper. I am really shocked on hearing Sirjee’s declaration. Now as he has shut his shop, we have no option but to buy mobile phones for our children and ourselves so that they can study as suggested by Sirjee” said a bidi smoking Babu jalela on conditions of anonymity as reported by Kal Tak reporter, Sannata Varma.

All this started when Sirjee came across a media campaign of BYDEA Cellular, a leading telecom services provider. The brand tagline “What an Idea Sirjee!” is the message given by Brand Ambassador, Abhilesh Bachhpan, which is echoed by the public at large in the story, and even viewers of the new imaginative ad.

Seen above is the campaign that inspired ‘Sirjee’ to execute this revolutionary Idea!

Bhika, (who is now called ‘Sirjee’) was so in awe of this campaign that the renamed himself as ‘Sirjee’ from that day on.He even went ahead and re-named his wife as ‘Kashywarya’ and his aging father as ‘Big G’ (Gikhaji).

On asking on why he has taken this step, ‘Sirjee’ explained “See, world over, millions of tonnes of trees get cut everyday to produce paper, leading to alarming rates of deforestation.One simple idea to save paper is to efficiently use the mobile phone for large number of day to day purposes.

The new BYDEA campaign as explained by my favorite actor Abhilash Bachhpan Sirjee showcases how my mobile phone can be used as an efficient tool to replace paper everywhere. For eg: i read daily newspapers, make my shop calculations, thereby saving tonnes of paper everyday. I have even stopped using toilet paper!”

Excited about the support he is garnering from the TV crews and the local people, ‘Sirjee’ is now proposing to ask the govt. for a ‘Jan JunglePal ‘bill.

Seen in the pic is Sirjee demanding for the ‘Jan JunglePal ‘bill to the Government.

On hearing this news in the international media, The UN international Department of environmental safety (IDES) have sent their representative Mr.Karpenter to the village to investigate the matter.

Seen above is Mr.Karpenter trying to reach ‘SirJee’ on the Tree.

( The above post is a original work of fiction news. It might or might not be inspired by other sites. All rights reserved)

Bollywood dialogues that make you kill yourself :Phata Poshter…. Nikla HERO!!!


Bollywood dialogues that make you kill yourself

Am gonna try and make a list of all cliches and banal dialogues which you have seen all these years in bollywood movies….and wished your ears exploded before you could hear them.(yeh sunne se pehle mere kaan fat kyun nahi gaye??)

After the post about the legendary Aloknath I started thinking about famous/classic quotes from Hindi movies – or ‘dialogues’ as one should say since in almost all Hindi films you will find credits for ‘Dialogue’ in addition to the usual ‘Screenplay’ and ‘Story’.

So I set out to compile the top << number not defined>> memorable/classic quotes from Hindi movies( focus will be on dialogues which are outright ‘funny’ irrespective of the film or situation they were intended for). Lists are always subjective and I am by no means a voracious watcher of Hindi films – hence I may have missed some – anyone reading this are welcome to come up with their own list or add to this.

To start with 1. “Mai tumhare baccche ki Maa banne wali hu…………”  * deep silence*

2.Dosti ki hai – nibhani toh padegi – Maine Pyar Kiya : I know, I know – very tacky – but it had become quite famous at the time of its release.

3. Police ne tumhe charon taraf se gher liya hain – apne aap ko kannon ke haawale kar do – I know – its one of those hackneyed dialogues – but I included it since it was used so many times by  the Indian policemen with a megaphone ! 😀

4.Ki..ki…ki…Kiran – Darr – The beginning of SRK’s endless hamming.

5. Mere Paas Maa Hai – Deewar – One of the very few times perhaps when Amitabh’s co-actor has run away with the better dialogue.

6. Chal Dhano! Aaj teri Basanti ki izzhat ka saawal hai – Sholay ( as if the She-horse understood the meaning. with so many He-horses behind her, Dhanno’s knows who izzat is at stake!)

7. Hum jaha pe khade ho jaate hein, line wahi se shuru hoti hai – Kaaliya.. EK NO.!

8. Shakti Kapoor’s “Ballmaaaaaa”,lolita aaooo…Mein chota sa, pyara sa, nanha sa, baccha hoon.

9. Sunny Deol‘s ” Dhaai kilo ka haath … ( hand weight = ~ 2.5 kg! ) Yeh Dhai kilo ka haath jab kisipe padtha hai na…toh aadmin ut-tha nahi ud jaata hai..

10.“Rishte main to hum tumhare BAAP lagte hai ..naam hai  <put whatever your name is>” from Shahenshah

11.” Sinoreeta… aisi bare bare deshon mein… aisi choti choti batein… hoti rehti hai,” :$:$ Since then Senorita became a pickup line in India

12.DON KO PAKADNA MUSHKIL HI NAHIN, NAMUMKIN HAI.. take care you dont confuse KO with KA..will lead to altogether different meaning.ROFL

13. damini(sunny deol)- tarikh pe tarikh…My lord ( this guy is really frustrated)

14. gulshan grover – “BADMANN”

14. Ghayal(sunny deol)- Utaar ke fenk do ye wardi aur pahan lo balwant raka patta apne gale mein…

15. Hawa tez chalta hai Dinkar Rao.. Topi sambhalo, nahin to udd jayega, Agneepath

16.Naam:Vijay deenanath chauhan..Poora naam, baap ka naam:deena nath chauhan, maa ka naam, suhasini chauhan ( sirf naame pucha tha be..)

17.In every courtroom scene

Defence: par iska is case se kya talluk hai
Prosecutor: talluk hai your honour bahut gehra talluk hai.. ( how deep??)

18.Rangeela: Abbey pair neeche kar, Abbey tu picture dekhney aaya hai ke pair?

Aaye, Fan chalu kar, The A/C is on sir. Kya bola? Munna wokeh raha hai ke AC chal raha hai. Haan to usko bol na moonh idhar ghumayega.

19. Prem chopda dialogues:
a)Gayi bhains paani main.
b)Nanga nahahyega kya or nichodega kya?
c)Mera Naam PREM CHOOPDAA hai – This one is CLASSIC!!!

20. Ashok Saraf in Karan Arjun: Thakur to ggggiyo

21.’Yeh bacchhon ke khelne ki cheez nahi, haath kat jaaye toh khoon nikal aata hai’ – RAJKUMAR ( The Govt. must put this note on every knife in india)

22.Ye haath hamain de de thakur!!! ( What will gabbar do with 4 hands, i wonder?)

23.Kuttey.. Main tera Khoon pee jaunga ( This scene takes place in China….perfectly ok)

24. Daaam jo tum Chaho, Kaam Jo main chahoon ( professionalism at its best)

25. Don ke dushman ki sabse badi galti hai…. ki woh don ka dushman hai( DON – SRK)

26.Jhakaazzz…….Anil Kapoor

27. itna sannata kyon hai bhai? .. Classic

28. Mujhe bhagwaan ke liye chor do!! Lo ye bhi bhagwaan se pyar karti hai… chor do ise. ( i am telling you, this bhagwaan guy is damn lucky)

29.Mera nam raj patil raja, raja ko praja dhoka de nahi sakti

29.from Andaz apna apnaAamir Khan to Shakti Kapoor : jab gaaon main bachchha rota hain,to uski maa kahti hai ki beta soja soja warna crime master gogo aa jayega..

30.from Sholay : Gabbar to Sanjeev Kumar : mujhe apna haath dede thakur

31. common dialogue : maine aapka namak khaaya hai maalik.. ( TATA ka ya Captain Cook?)

32.“Do Dost Ek Hie Piyali May Chai Piyengay” – Cost cutting!!

33.Basanti in Kuttoo ke saamne mat naachna… ( dont dance in front of dogs…lol who in their right mind would do that?)

34.Koun Kambakht Bardasht karne ke liye peeta hai… ( Names cannot be mentioned on public forum. We are sorry)

35.Appke pair bahut khoobsurat hain, inhe zameen par mat rakhiyega , maile ho jaayenge ( hey c’mon, she’s not a Bed patient!)

36.Agar tune maa ka dudh piya hai, to bahar nikal..

37.Corollary to above: agar tune maa ka dudh nahi piya hai to , to bahar mat  nikal

38.JAB TAK BAITNE KO NA KAHA JAYE KHARAY RAHO! YEH POLICE STATION HAI TUMARAY BAAP KA GHAR NAHI! – Workplace manners

39. Paanch baje ke baad deva ki adaalat shuru hoti hain – SUNNY IN ZIDDI. ( Pretty laidback workplace)

40.JAO PEHLE USKA SIGN LEY KAR AAO JISNE MERE HAATHO MEY YE LIKH DIYA ( Pre-approval required)

41.AAJ MERE PAAS BANGLA HAIN,GADI HAI,BANK BALANCE HAI TUMARE PAAS KYA HAI.( dont say MAA now)

42. E-haath humko de de thakur ( Everything’s gone online!)

43.Jaani jinke ghar siso key hothe hai wo dusro key ghar par pathar nai phekha karte.. ( quite obvious no)

44. ( naughty version) Jaani jinke ghar siso key hothe hai, wo basement me jake hi kapde badalte hai ( lol. unless you are really shameless)

45.EK MACHHAR AADMI KO HINJJRA BANA DETA HAI – By Dr. NANA (MBBS)

46.Bade Bade desho mein aisi choti choti baate hoti rahti hai.  ( Note: Very handy dialogue.This is the excuse you can give to your boss when you make a mistake)

47.Main aaj bhi fenke hue paise nahin leta.. ( now that’s what we call ATTITUDE )

48.Tum jis school mein padhte ho hum uske headmaster rah chuke hain…. done to death this one

49.Main tumhe bhool nahin sakta kyunki yeh ho nahin sakta, aur tum mujhe bhool nahi sakti kyunki ye main hone nahi doonga…. Suneil Shetty in Dhadkan ( sunil’s only memorable dialogue in his entire career)

50.“Na talwaar ki dhaar se na goliyon ki bauchaar se… Banda darta hai to sirf parvardigaar se” One and only Rajkumar in Tiranga

51. “Mujhe parivartan pasand nahi mr.Aryan” BigB to SRK  in Mohabbattein.. mujhe sirf KBC pasand hai

52.BabuBhaiyya: Kutriya saala, number dekh ke dial kar.Woh to main mast tail main fry kar ke khhaa gaya.

53.“Mere do do baap” – Gopi Kishan (Sunil Shetty)

54.Eggjactly – Javed Jafferi, Salaam Namasthe

55.Bacche Ki Jaan Lega Kya – Akshay Kumar

jhakkas Shatru dialogues:

56. Jali ko aag kehte hai, bhuji ko raakh kehte hai..aur jis raakh se barood bane..use Vishwanath kehte hai! < APPLAUSE>

57. Ande se choch nikli nai ki kharoch marne ki soch raha hai..Chaaku sirf Chakku ke haath mein chakmakata hai..bhaison

ki haath mein nahi!

58.Andaaz Apna Apna: Dialouge Paresh Rawal: main teja hun kyonki mera naam bhi teja hai! ( quite logical :P)

59.Jeet ke haarne wale ko Baazigar kehte hain.. ( aur haar ke jeetne wale ko CHEATER kehte hai :P)

60.sattar minute !!! – Chakde india ( not 60? )

61.Tumhara naam kya hai, Basanti !! ( pickup)

62.Ekk baar, bas ekk bar mere aankho main aankhen daal kay kahe do ki tum muj say payar nahi kartey.. (  lol….)

63.Koeee Shak – Mithunda is back! ( Any doubts, kindly ask)

64.Ek bar jo mai nay commitment kar de ya phir to mai apna aap ki bhi nahi sunta.

65. Ramlal jao chai banaa kar lao ( IF Ramlal is not available you always have RAMU KAKA at hand!)

66.“ramu kaka aap ish ghar main kab se kaam kar rahe ho” ( dedicated to ramu kaka’)

67.“aati kya khandala”,“kya mast ruffchik ..jhakkashh item hai baaaaaaaap” ( cat calls by taporis)

68.“aji bhagyavaan sunti hooooooo..” ( enter FAT LADY with paunch)

69.“pahuchte hi chitthi likhna” ( SMS/e-mail will also do)

70.“radha beti …ghoom aai mele main” ( radha, happy you dint flee with the local chaiwala in the mela)

71.“Zindagi me paife kamaane ke do hi tareekein hain ..Fortcut ya Chhota Fortcut …” (Kaminey: that’s the movie name :D)

72.“Pyaar Karna maine tumse sikha hai sameer … magar pyaar nibhana mujhey balraaj ne sikhaya hai” .. ( lol, loser Sameer)

73.Eyyy Deva …Utha le … Utha Le …Utha Le re baba … arrey mere ko nahin … in dono ko” (babu Rao).

74. Be Positive Kajal” (No Entry) B+

75. Mere karan arjun aayengeeeeeeee!!!! ( this one is EPIC!)

76.GHATAK

Pinjre mein akar tu sher bhi kuuutta ban jaata hai kaatiya tu chahta hai tere mein jahan kuuuutta banke rahun tu kahe tu bhonkon tu kahe tu katun,
Aisa hi samjho toh kya hamare saath kaam karoge toh naam hoga tumhara

Enaam melinge rupiya paisa milenge izzat hogi tuhmari aur log darenge tumse
darakar logon ko woh jeeta hai jiski hadiyon mein paani bhara hota hai. agar marad banne ka itna hi shock hai tu kuuutton ka sahara lena chood de katiya

77.Hey bhagwaan tera lakh lakh suhkr hai… ( Hi God, thanks * 2 lacs )

78.Agar 5 min or der ho jaati to- .. ( that was highly time-critical!)

79. Maine injection de diya hai thodi der me hosh aa jayega-  DR.SAHAB

80. Inhe dawa ki nahi dua ki zarurat hai- DR SAHAB ( this one is just legendary)

81.KHUSH TO BAHUT HOGE TUM…! ( ofcourse i am )

82.HAI KOI MAI KA LAAL….!

83.

dil chahta hai

hello priya
haan main
magar vo
suno to
tumne to
lekin main
kabse keh
hello
usne phone rakh diya

84.” yeh sunne se pehle mere kaan fat kyun nahi gaye??”(good question….but how am i supposed to know?? :D)

85.” “Kararaa Jawaab Milega”.!

86.Main hun MAUT Ki Vo EXPRESS,
Duniya jise kehti hai MADAM-X
(rekha) Rhyming rhyming..lol

87.hum tum me itne ched karege ki kanfuje ho jaoge ki sans kahan se lai or paade kahan se

88.Constable: sir ji kahan woh haraam jaade___Salman: haraam jaade se yaad aya apke pitaji kaise hein__

Constable: Aur woh kamini kaisi hai….Salman: Kamini se yaad aya ke babhi ji kaisi hai…

89.ek chutki sindhoorki kheemath tum kya janogi ramesh baabu,,, ( ramesh you idiot, you dont even know the price of sindhur in the market, u moron)

90. ye duniya badi zalim hai….

and finally before you comment anything  “Khamossssh!”

Continue reading Bollywood dialogues that make you kill yourself :Phata Poshter…. Nikla HERO!!!