Bollywood dialogues that make you kill yourself :Phata Poshter…. Nikla HERO!!!


Bollywood dialogues that make you kill yourself

Am gonna try and make a list of all cliches and banal dialogues which you have seen all these years in bollywood movies….and wished your ears exploded before you could hear them.(yeh sunne se pehle mere kaan fat kyun nahi gaye??)

After the post about the legendary Aloknath I started thinking about famous/classic quotes from Hindi movies – or ‘dialogues’ as one should say since in almost all Hindi films you will find credits for ‘Dialogue’ in addition to the usual ‘Screenplay’ and ‘Story’.

So I set out to compile the top << number not defined>> memorable/classic quotes from Hindi movies( focus will be on dialogues which are outright ‘funny’ irrespective of the film or situation they were intended for). Lists are always subjective and I am by no means a voracious watcher of Hindi films – hence I may have missed some – anyone reading this are welcome to come up with their own list or add to this.

To start with 1. “Mai tumhare baccche ki Maa banne wali hu…………”  * deep silence*

2.Dosti ki hai – nibhani toh padegi – Maine Pyar Kiya : I know, I know – very tacky – but it had become quite famous at the time of its release.

3. Police ne tumhe charon taraf se gher liya hain – apne aap ko kannon ke haawale kar do – I know – its one of those hackneyed dialogues – but I included it since it was used so many times by  the Indian policemen with a megaphone ! 😀

4.Ki..ki…ki…Kiran – Darr – The beginning of SRK’s endless hamming.

5. Mere Paas Maa Hai – Deewar – One of the very few times perhaps when Amitabh’s co-actor has run away with the better dialogue.

6. Chal Dhano! Aaj teri Basanti ki izzhat ka saawal hai – Sholay ( as if the She-horse understood the meaning. with so many He-horses behind her, Dhanno’s knows who izzat is at stake!)

7. Hum jaha pe khade ho jaate hein, line wahi se shuru hoti hai – Kaaliya.. EK NO.!

8. Shakti Kapoor’s “Ballmaaaaaa”,lolita aaooo…Mein chota sa, pyara sa, nanha sa, baccha hoon.

9. Sunny Deol‘s ” Dhaai kilo ka haath … ( hand weight = ~ 2.5 kg! ) Yeh Dhai kilo ka haath jab kisipe padtha hai na…toh aadmin ut-tha nahi ud jaata hai..

10.“Rishte main to hum tumhare BAAP lagte hai ..naam hai  <put whatever your name is>” from Shahenshah

11.” Sinoreeta… aisi bare bare deshon mein… aisi choti choti batein… hoti rehti hai,” :$:$ Since then Senorita became a pickup line in India

12.DON KO PAKADNA MUSHKIL HI NAHIN, NAMUMKIN HAI.. take care you dont confuse KO with KA..will lead to altogether different meaning.ROFL

13. damini(sunny deol)- tarikh pe tarikh…My lord ( this guy is really frustrated)

14. gulshan grover – “BADMANN”

14. Ghayal(sunny deol)- Utaar ke fenk do ye wardi aur pahan lo balwant raka patta apne gale mein…

15. Hawa tez chalta hai Dinkar Rao.. Topi sambhalo, nahin to udd jayega, Agneepath

16.Naam:Vijay deenanath chauhan..Poora naam, baap ka naam:deena nath chauhan, maa ka naam, suhasini chauhan ( sirf naame pucha tha be..)

17.In every courtroom scene

Defence: par iska is case se kya talluk hai
Prosecutor: talluk hai your honour bahut gehra talluk hai.. ( how deep??)

18.Rangeela: Abbey pair neeche kar, Abbey tu picture dekhney aaya hai ke pair?

Aaye, Fan chalu kar, The A/C is on sir. Kya bola? Munna wokeh raha hai ke AC chal raha hai. Haan to usko bol na moonh idhar ghumayega.

19. Prem chopda dialogues:
a)Gayi bhains paani main.
b)Nanga nahahyega kya or nichodega kya?
c)Mera Naam PREM CHOOPDAA hai – This one is CLASSIC!!!

20. Ashok Saraf in Karan Arjun: Thakur to ggggiyo

21.’Yeh bacchhon ke khelne ki cheez nahi, haath kat jaaye toh khoon nikal aata hai’ – RAJKUMAR ( The Govt. must put this note on every knife in india)

22.Ye haath hamain de de thakur!!! ( What will gabbar do with 4 hands, i wonder?)

23.Kuttey.. Main tera Khoon pee jaunga ( This scene takes place in China….perfectly ok)

24. Daaam jo tum Chaho, Kaam Jo main chahoon ( professionalism at its best)

25. Don ke dushman ki sabse badi galti hai…. ki woh don ka dushman hai( DON – SRK)

26.Jhakaazzz…….Anil Kapoor

27. itna sannata kyon hai bhai? .. Classic

28. Mujhe bhagwaan ke liye chor do!! Lo ye bhi bhagwaan se pyar karti hai… chor do ise. ( i am telling you, this bhagwaan guy is damn lucky)

29.Mera nam raj patil raja, raja ko praja dhoka de nahi sakti

29.from Andaz apna apnaAamir Khan to Shakti Kapoor : jab gaaon main bachchha rota hain,to uski maa kahti hai ki beta soja soja warna crime master gogo aa jayega..

30.from Sholay : Gabbar to Sanjeev Kumar : mujhe apna haath dede thakur

31. common dialogue : maine aapka namak khaaya hai maalik.. ( TATA ka ya Captain Cook?)

32.“Do Dost Ek Hie Piyali May Chai Piyengay” – Cost cutting!!

33.Basanti in Kuttoo ke saamne mat naachna… ( dont dance in front of dogs…lol who in their right mind would do that?)

34.Koun Kambakht Bardasht karne ke liye peeta hai… ( Names cannot be mentioned on public forum. We are sorry)

35.Appke pair bahut khoobsurat hain, inhe zameen par mat rakhiyega , maile ho jaayenge ( hey c’mon, she’s not a Bed patient!)

36.Agar tune maa ka dudh piya hai, to bahar nikal..

37.Corollary to above: agar tune maa ka dudh nahi piya hai to , to bahar mat  nikal

38.JAB TAK BAITNE KO NA KAHA JAYE KHARAY RAHO! YEH POLICE STATION HAI TUMARAY BAAP KA GHAR NAHI! – Workplace manners

39. Paanch baje ke baad deva ki adaalat shuru hoti hain – SUNNY IN ZIDDI. ( Pretty laidback workplace)

40.JAO PEHLE USKA SIGN LEY KAR AAO JISNE MERE HAATHO MEY YE LIKH DIYA ( Pre-approval required)

41.AAJ MERE PAAS BANGLA HAIN,GADI HAI,BANK BALANCE HAI TUMARE PAAS KYA HAI.( dont say MAA now)

42. E-haath humko de de thakur ( Everything’s gone online!)

43.Jaani jinke ghar siso key hothe hai wo dusro key ghar par pathar nai phekha karte.. ( quite obvious no)

44. ( naughty version) Jaani jinke ghar siso key hothe hai, wo basement me jake hi kapde badalte hai ( lol. unless you are really shameless)

45.EK MACHHAR AADMI KO HINJJRA BANA DETA HAI – By Dr. NANA (MBBS)

46.Bade Bade desho mein aisi choti choti baate hoti rahti hai.  ( Note: Very handy dialogue.This is the excuse you can give to your boss when you make a mistake)

47.Main aaj bhi fenke hue paise nahin leta.. ( now that’s what we call ATTITUDE )

48.Tum jis school mein padhte ho hum uske headmaster rah chuke hain…. done to death this one

49.Main tumhe bhool nahin sakta kyunki yeh ho nahin sakta, aur tum mujhe bhool nahi sakti kyunki ye main hone nahi doonga…. Suneil Shetty in Dhadkan ( sunil’s only memorable dialogue in his entire career)

50.“Na talwaar ki dhaar se na goliyon ki bauchaar se… Banda darta hai to sirf parvardigaar se” One and only Rajkumar in Tiranga

51. “Mujhe parivartan pasand nahi mr.Aryan” BigB to SRK  in Mohabbattein.. mujhe sirf KBC pasand hai

52.BabuBhaiyya: Kutriya saala, number dekh ke dial kar.Woh to main mast tail main fry kar ke khhaa gaya.

53.“Mere do do baap” – Gopi Kishan (Sunil Shetty)

54.Eggjactly – Javed Jafferi, Salaam Namasthe

55.Bacche Ki Jaan Lega Kya – Akshay Kumar

jhakkas Shatru dialogues:

56. Jali ko aag kehte hai, bhuji ko raakh kehte hai..aur jis raakh se barood bane..use Vishwanath kehte hai! < APPLAUSE>

57. Ande se choch nikli nai ki kharoch marne ki soch raha hai..Chaaku sirf Chakku ke haath mein chakmakata hai..bhaison

ki haath mein nahi!

58.Andaaz Apna Apna: Dialouge Paresh Rawal: main teja hun kyonki mera naam bhi teja hai! ( quite logical :P)

59.Jeet ke haarne wale ko Baazigar kehte hain.. ( aur haar ke jeetne wale ko CHEATER kehte hai :P)

60.sattar minute !!! – Chakde india ( not 60? )

61.Tumhara naam kya hai, Basanti !! ( pickup)

62.Ekk baar, bas ekk bar mere aankho main aankhen daal kay kahe do ki tum muj say payar nahi kartey.. (  lol….)

63.Koeee Shak – Mithunda is back! ( Any doubts, kindly ask)

64.Ek bar jo mai nay commitment kar de ya phir to mai apna aap ki bhi nahi sunta.

65. Ramlal jao chai banaa kar lao ( IF Ramlal is not available you always have RAMU KAKA at hand!)

66.“ramu kaka aap ish ghar main kab se kaam kar rahe ho” ( dedicated to ramu kaka’)

67.“aati kya khandala”,“kya mast ruffchik ..jhakkashh item hai baaaaaaaap” ( cat calls by taporis)

68.“aji bhagyavaan sunti hooooooo..” ( enter FAT LADY with paunch)

69.“pahuchte hi chitthi likhna” ( SMS/e-mail will also do)

70.“radha beti …ghoom aai mele main” ( radha, happy you dint flee with the local chaiwala in the mela)

71.“Zindagi me paife kamaane ke do hi tareekein hain ..Fortcut ya Chhota Fortcut …” (Kaminey: that’s the movie name :D)

72.“Pyaar Karna maine tumse sikha hai sameer … magar pyaar nibhana mujhey balraaj ne sikhaya hai” .. ( lol, loser Sameer)

73.Eyyy Deva …Utha le … Utha Le …Utha Le re baba … arrey mere ko nahin … in dono ko” (babu Rao).

74. Be Positive Kajal” (No Entry) B+

75. Mere karan arjun aayengeeeeeeee!!!! ( this one is EPIC!)

76.GHATAK

Pinjre mein akar tu sher bhi kuuutta ban jaata hai kaatiya tu chahta hai tere mein jahan kuuuutta banke rahun tu kahe tu bhonkon tu kahe tu katun,
Aisa hi samjho toh kya hamare saath kaam karoge toh naam hoga tumhara

Enaam melinge rupiya paisa milenge izzat hogi tuhmari aur log darenge tumse
darakar logon ko woh jeeta hai jiski hadiyon mein paani bhara hota hai. agar marad banne ka itna hi shock hai tu kuuutton ka sahara lena chood de katiya

77.Hey bhagwaan tera lakh lakh suhkr hai… ( Hi God, thanks * 2 lacs )

78.Agar 5 min or der ho jaati to- .. ( that was highly time-critical!)

79. Maine injection de diya hai thodi der me hosh aa jayega-  DR.SAHAB

80. Inhe dawa ki nahi dua ki zarurat hai- DR SAHAB ( this one is just legendary)

81.KHUSH TO BAHUT HOGE TUM…! ( ofcourse i am )

82.HAI KOI MAI KA LAAL….!

83.

dil chahta hai

hello priya
haan main
magar vo
suno to
tumne to
lekin main
kabse keh
hello
usne phone rakh diya

84.” yeh sunne se pehle mere kaan fat kyun nahi gaye??”(good question….but how am i supposed to know?? :D)

85.” “Kararaa Jawaab Milega”.!

86.Main hun MAUT Ki Vo EXPRESS,
Duniya jise kehti hai MADAM-X
(rekha) Rhyming rhyming..lol

87.hum tum me itne ched karege ki kanfuje ho jaoge ki sans kahan se lai or paade kahan se

88.Constable: sir ji kahan woh haraam jaade___Salman: haraam jaade se yaad aya apke pitaji kaise hein__

Constable: Aur woh kamini kaisi hai….Salman: Kamini se yaad aya ke babhi ji kaisi hai…

89.ek chutki sindhoorki kheemath tum kya janogi ramesh baabu,,, ( ramesh you idiot, you dont even know the price of sindhur in the market, u moron)

90. ye duniya badi zalim hai….

and finally before you comment anything  “Khamossssh!”

.

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2 thoughts on “Bollywood dialogues that make you kill yourself :Phata Poshter…. Nikla HERO!!!

  1. Hi, can you please tell me any movie which has this dialogue ” Maine injection de diya hai, subah tak inhe hosh nahi aaya to..Inhe ab daw ki nahi dua ki jarurat hai.” .. It would really help!

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